Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
