i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
