nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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