I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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