That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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