I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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