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my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
