Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What a dumb baby whore.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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