I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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