I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
