Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
