so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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