I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
