Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
