I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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