My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
