Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
