made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
