I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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