My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
