I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think i have two assholes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
