Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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