you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
