i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
