do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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