the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
