So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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