so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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