apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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