you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
