I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
