Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
