i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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