They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
