Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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