Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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