One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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