I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
