Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
