Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
