Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
