Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
