During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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