why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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