Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
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the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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