oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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