...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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