Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
