I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm at about main and main street
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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