Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
