The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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