where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
