She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
