he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
