Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
