2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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