Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
