Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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