there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
