mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
