My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
