I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
