I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So vagazzling was a success
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
