Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
