@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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