I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
