I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
